What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
