Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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