so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
