We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
