I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
