Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
