His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize