i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
