so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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