No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
