I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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