The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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