The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
