I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I AM VODKA MAN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
