don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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