I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
