No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
