Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At least life still wants to fuck me.