i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life