: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus