the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
being pregnant is like rehab
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
