I didn't shave. On purpose
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
