I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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