you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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