I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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