OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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