ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
