Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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