Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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