look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
