just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
