just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
