I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
