He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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