Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
