I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
