Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
