I'm gonna have a badass scar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
