remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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