I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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