I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
