She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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