so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
