Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
