This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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