I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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