I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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