70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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