Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize