So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
