Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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