i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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