I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
