it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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