Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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