Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
