i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
