just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
