I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she looked like the before picture.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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