I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He did a backflip because drugs
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