Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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