Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
