So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
