Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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