I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
