There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
