I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Every concussion has its silver lining
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
