That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
