whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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