and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
