i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
so much tequila, so little girl.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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