I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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