Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
