week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Every concussion has its silver lining
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
