I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
