What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
