Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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