textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
