I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
